It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
