Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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