I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
