I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
