how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize