4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was born a porn star she said
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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