That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
