i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want nice things and good sex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
