epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
