i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects