I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.