Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?