my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
