my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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