In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
