I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
