This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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