I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
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sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize