you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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