Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
