I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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