I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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