She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
