Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
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sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.