wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower