I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
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Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
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Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.