That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize