thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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