I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
