I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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