I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
