I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
