got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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