so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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