Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
