So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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