i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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