I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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