Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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