You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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