WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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