I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
