he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
