you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
