After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
