this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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