Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
