So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
