i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
