Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
