just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
