Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize