I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something