College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"