i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.