why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies