The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.