Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.