exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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