Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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