dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
