Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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