If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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