that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
