so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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