she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
