I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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