i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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